Love on Fire | Thrive This Winter Week 1

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The best way to watch Crossroads Church

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is on your smart TV,

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because that's where your family hangs out.

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And plus, taking a break from your phone

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and tablet feels good.

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Download the Crossroads TV app on your smart TV

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and your TV becomes your church,

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your community,

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your new rhythm,

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your "I finally went to church this week."

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Set a time to experience church on your TV.

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See, you've already made your TV smarter.

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Download the Crossroads TV app.

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It'll give you the boost

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you and your family need for your week.

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Winter's coming: (bird chirps)

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cold, long, dark

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and it's going to be...

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amazing!

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Get yourself a shot in the arm of encouragement.

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Just survive? Hibernate?

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No way!

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God wants you to thrive this winter

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and we'll show you how.

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A new weekly series from Crossroads.

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Check it out by downloading the Crossroads App

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on your smart TV or at Crossroads.net.

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- Hey, everyone, and welcome to Crossroads Church.

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I'm so glad that you joined us today.

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I'm Hannah Sheppard and I'm here with my friend Justin.

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He's a worship leader. Right?

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- That's true.

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- He doesn't do this often, so it's his first time.

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- How do I do this? What do I do?

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- Well, you stand, smile and wave. That's the first step.

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- Like this?

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- So, hey, everyone, so glad you're here. Yep.

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We're starting a new series today

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called Thrive this Winter.

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Now, I know what you're thinking, "Hannah, it's fall.

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You're holding a pumpkin spice latte,

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which is amazing because it is fall."

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But we want you to thrive this winter, not just survive.

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And winter is coming.

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So we've got some practical tools

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to help you get to that next level.

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It looks like you have a pumpkin spice latte also.

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- False.

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This is a pickled spinach liquor.

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It is tangy a little bit.

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- Tell the folks at home where they can get that from.

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- You can get -- it's homemade. Yeah.

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I get the pickles and the spinach out in the garden.

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- Okay.

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Today, we're going to talk about an exciting new message

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and hear from our teaching pastor,

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Kyle Ranson about marriage.

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Now, I don't want you to tune out if you're not married.

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This is not the time to turn off the television

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or wherever you're watching.

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Is's a time to tune in because this message applies

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to everyone, no matter what their relationship status is

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and it can apply to any relationship.

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So if you're looking for a way to make things stronger,

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Kyle is going to talk to us a little bit about that today.

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Let's get started.

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- Hi, I'm Kyle,

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one of the teaching pastors with Crossroads.

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And I believe that today is critical because today is about

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a widespread and yet almost completely unaddressed lie

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that wants to steal from you.

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It wants to snatch one of the very best experiences

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that God has designed right out of your hands.

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It's a lie about love and marriage

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and its carnage is piling higher and higher

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every single day.

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And if you don't get wise to it, you may be next.

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Now, if you're married,

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if you're thinking about getting married,

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if you ever have been married, this message is for you,

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because the truth is

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every relationship starts out the same.

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It starts out with a spark, a flame.

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There's a fire between you.

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There's a connection that burns bright.

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But then all too quickly,

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the winter comes,

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the spring turns to summer.

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The leaves start to fall, start to fade.

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The cold sets in.

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The fire that burned brightly,

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starts to flicker and grow faint.

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And you wonder, "Can the flames ever be reignited?"

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If that's where you're at today, you're not alone.

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There was a recent study done that said that

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divorce is up a shocking 34% since the start of COVID,

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and it's even higher among young couples.

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One article that details the study,

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The New York Post, said this:

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Now, why are all these marriages,

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especially the young ones, the one that literally

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had a spark and a flame only months ago,

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why are they burned to the ground?

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Let me just say, by the way, if you're listening

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and you've been divorced, please, please,

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please don't hear condemnation today. Do not.

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I know divorce is painful and it's complicated.

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You may have done everything you can

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to keep the marriage alive and they still may have left.

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If that's you, hear grace, give me grace today

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and hang with me because I believe

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your trust in marriage can get resurrected today.

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Here's the truth, everyone, at some point,

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usually multiple, will question their marriage.

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It starts as this little whisper

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in the very back of your head

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after yet another conversation goes sideways.

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It sounds like, "Man, do I really want to keep doing this?

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What if it never changes?"

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Or, "I think I'm just the easiest thing

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for her to blame our problems on."

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Or, "Gosh, she doesn't care about me.

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I just want to go live my life.

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I think I'd be happier without her

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or I'd be free to sleep with whoever I wanted

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if he was gone."

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Or, "We just got married too young, you know?

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Maybe we just didn't know enough about ourselves."

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Now, I don't know where you are with that voice.

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Maybe you've heard it, maybe you've been fighting it,

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or maybe you've been listening.

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Maybe you've moved out.

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Maybe you've already filed your divorce papers

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or maybe you just heard it for the first time yesterday.

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But no matter where you are,

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I believe a successful, thriving, life giving,

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unmatched by anything is possible for you.

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A marriage that's unbelievable is possible for you

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and today I'm going to tell you how to get it.

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But I have to be up front about what it costs,

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because it does have a cost and it's not a small one.

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It will cost you everything.

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But, you know, there's a better question to ask

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than what is the cost, it's what is it worth?

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There's a parable in the Bible of Matthew 13

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where Jesus tells where a man goes out

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and he goes to this field

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and he starts searching around the field

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and he finds buried treasure hidden in the field.

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And so he goes out, he sells everything he has

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and he buys the field. Why?

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Because he was smart enough not to focus on what it cost,

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he was focused on what it was worth.

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It was worth everything.

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There was treasure buried in it.

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So what's a great marriage worth?

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It is worth more than everything you have.

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There is no other human relationship that can match

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the joy, the safety, the satisfaction,

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the complete unity and love of marriage.

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None. There's treasure in it.

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How in the world would you get it?

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Well, according to God, there is a way

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and it all comes down to the match.

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Dating is all about the match, isn't it?

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That's basically what you do,

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you go out on date after date,

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you ask a bunch of questions, you know,

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how many kids do you want?

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What kind of music do you like?

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And you just hope to find a match.

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"Oh, you want three kids. Me too.

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This might have a shot.

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You like the same music as --"

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That's out of tune.

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"You like the same music as me?

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Awesome. This is going to be great."

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Question after question, and if you find a good match --

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Nice -- then you basically you get engaged

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and married and hope it worked out,

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hope that you were right.

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And if you were right, you stay married.

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And if you got it wrong

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or you weren't that good of a match

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or if one of you changes

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because of the weight of the last eight months

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has changed you or the fit doesn't match anymore,

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well, then you get divorced.

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And that's just kind of how it works.

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IT's all about the good match.

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Now, Sarah and I, to be honest,

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we were helped out with our match.

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We had a matchmaker, someone who saw us

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and was like, "You guy'd be perfect together,"

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just like these mugs. Absolutely perfect.

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So he set us up, his name is Paul Owens.

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He's part of the Uptown Crossroads staff.

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Thank you, Paul. Appreciate it, by the way.

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He set us up without us even knowing it,

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like got us together and thought we would be a good match.

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Early on, there was amazing science. It was great.

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I remember the first conversation

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I discovered that Sarah --

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Sarah loved dark beer, sports, and steak.

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It was the holy trinity of stuff

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that mattered to me at 24 years old.

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It was amazing. Like this is great.

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Now, that's a fairly typical story up to that point,

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but this is where the story gets weird.

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Because one month into our relationship,

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Sarah and I went on the very first GO Trip

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ever in the history of Crossroads to South Africa.

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And our first night there,

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we're having this conversation, you know."

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I was talking about, I don't know, whatever,

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the day and what we were hoping for the trip,

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something like that.

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In the middle of the conversation, midsentence,

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I'm talking to her and this voice comes out of nowhere

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and drops in the back of my mind.

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It was a voice that I immediately knew was God's.

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How? I've no idea, I just knew it was.

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And the voice said, "This is your wife."

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at the exact same moment as I freeze mid-sentence,

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I see Sarah and her face all of a sudden just goes blank,

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she's like, "What?"

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It's at the same exact time

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that voice drops into her head and said,

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"This is your husband."

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And we both just gulped and looked at each other

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and stared for what felt like forever.

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I think I'm the first one who talked

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and I basically just like, "What -- What did you hear?"

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And she's like, "I heard that you're my husband?"

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I was like, "It's crazy. I heard that you're my wife."

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I hadn't even kissed her yet. It's insane.

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Listen, here's the point: God literally matched us.

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And I know that sounds insane, so here,

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let's verify that story like really quick with Sarah.

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- Why are you taking -- Don't take a picture of me.

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- I'm not taking a picture of you.

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- What are you doing? - Taking a video of you.

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- Because I have a question for you.

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I just told everybody our story of God

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telling us to get married in South Africa,

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and I feel like they don't believe me.

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So can you kind of verify the facts real quick?

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- We went to Africa.

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The Lord spoke audibly and told us,

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"Kyle, this is your wife,"

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and "Sarah, this is your husband" at the same time.

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- Then what happened?

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- Like immediately after? - Yeah.

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- We just stared at each other, like,

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"Did you just hear what I just heard?"

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- OK, who talked first?

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- Me, I think.

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- OK, I thought it was me.

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- No, I think it was me.

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I don't like uncomfortable silence.

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- Ok. Then we got married? - Yeah.

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- And everything was awesome and easy?

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- Sure.

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- She absolutely hates being on camera,

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and I just want you to know,

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I risked sleeping on the couch to get that video for you

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because you have to get the point.

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I have experienced the absolute pinnacle

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of getting a perfect match.

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God himself matched us.

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Did you catch that?

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I know what you're thinking,

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you're like, "Oh, that's cool, Kyle.

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No, you definitely have nothing to say to me whatsoever

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because if God had matched my marriage,

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I'll bet it'd be great too."

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Now I get it, but like, why do you think that?

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You think it because you believe

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what the world has taught you to believe

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so deeply you don't even question it.

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That a successful marriage comes down to

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how well you match, how you fit together.

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The world says that what you need to find

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is somebody who matches you so well,

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they just make you happy without even trying.

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That, my friends, is the lie and it will destroy you.

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I know because I've experienced

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the pinnacle of being matched,

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and yet that match has mattered exactly zero percent

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in the success of my marriage.

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And it will matter exactly zero percent in yours too.

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After God said to get married,

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we did, like really quickly because,

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you know, like God Himself said to.

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So quick timeline, we started dating in February,

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God matched us in April, in May I ask her to marry me

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and we bought a house together,

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which she lived in until we got married,

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which wasn't a very long wait

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because we got married in September,

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which means on our first Valentine's Day

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we had already been married

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for almost half a freaking year, which was insane.

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I honestly was like, "So wife, like what do you

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like to do typically on Valentine's Day?

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What was your name again? Like Susan or Sandy?"

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You're like, "I don't know."

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Which meant we got to know each other

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after we walked down the aisle,

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after we signed the mortgage together.

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And that's when we discovered,

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despite what God thought,

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we were the world's worst match.

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Like we're the exact opposite in every single way.

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She's an introvert. I'm an extrovert.

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She's a planner. I'm spontaneous.

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She's a morning person

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and I do my best creative work late into the night.

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She's safety conscious, and I've got to be honest,

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I completely zoned out

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right after you started talking about safety.

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We were an awful match and it was rough.

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I was honestly just really hoping I hadn't made a mistake

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and that somehow, some way

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we could still prove to be a good match.

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So I did the only logical thing I could think of,

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and I made a plan to fix it.

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And by it I meet her.

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I decided I would change her to match me

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to be the spouse that everyone wants,

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the one that fits you so well, they just make you happy.

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So I try to get her to hang out with people more,

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tried to get her to be more spontaneous, more risk loving.

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And to be honest, it almost killed us.

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And I wonder about you.

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Is this what you're placing your hope in right now,

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that your girlfriend or your fiance,

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your wife, your husband, that they'll change

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to become a good match for you.

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That she'll just get okay with seeing friends

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as much as you like to see friends.

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That he'll just go okay with planning out your calendar

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the way you like to plan out your calendar

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as far as you like to do it.

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That she'll just embrace your hobbies

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and how you want to spend money.

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If so, you're obsessing over the wrong match.

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I'm telling you, that match utterly does not matter.

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It doesn't.

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If you want a thriving marriage,

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there's a completely different match

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that should be getting all of your attention.

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You know, one good reason to get married

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is you get a lot of free stuff.

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Now, I don't know who the genius is

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that invented gift registries,

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but like cheers to that person.

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Guys, this is great, but it could be better.

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See, I wanted to register for practical stuff,

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like stuff that you actually need,

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like a table saw and a kegerator, maybe a hot tub.

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And allow me just let you down gently,

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that's not how it works.

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Instead, you have to learn this entire

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new set of mysterious, intimidating vocabulary terms

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like duvet cover, which friends in college,

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this is an actual thing people care about.

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It's basically like an incredibly expensive

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and unnecessary wrapper for a blanket.

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Like that's actually what is.

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And you have to buy it, then you have to buy a blanket

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to put inside it to make it useful.

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I just imagine there was a big brainstorm

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with the blanket company, you know,

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like maybe sales were down or whatever.

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And they're like, "We've got to turn this thing around.

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What are we going to do?"

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They're all around a table and like Carl from accounting,

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he like shyly raises his hand, "Like, guys, I have an idea.

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I have an idea.

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What if we sell the outside of the blanket

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separately from the inside

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and we could charge people twice?"

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He sits back in his chair, the boss stands up,

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she shook her head.

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She's like, "Carl, that's a terrible idea."

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And everyone else is like, "Yeah. Carl,

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typical stupid idea, Carl.

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Jeez, why don't you shut up, Carl."

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And then Lauren from marketing, she slowly raises her hand.

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She says, "You know, actually, that could work

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if we named it something French sounding like duvet cover."

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And everyone was like, "Dang it, you just might be right.

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Lauren, that's a great idea.

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People buy anything they think is from France."

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Like anything like this crap, Pamplemoose,

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whatever this is LeCrap. I mean, LeCroix. This is awful.

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People fall for it and think it's from France.

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Oh, that tastes like TV static, it's awful. Yuck!

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- See, I've got to disagree with Kyle.

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I like LeCroix, except when it's lukewarm.

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Nobody likes that.

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It makes me feel kind of fancy, you know?

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- Everyone likes to feel fancy. - That's right.

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- But I've got to tell you,

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I've got to agree with Kyle, it tastes exactly like static.

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Truer words have been said.

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- I don't even know what that means.

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- If you are in the practice of giving

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or if you would like to partner with us financially

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to help spread this message of hope,

00:16:40

you could do that right now.

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- Yeah, you can do that just like I do

00:16:43

at Crossroads.net/give.

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And now let's get back to Kyle.

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- Here's the thing, the duvet cover, the dishes,

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all the crap you get when you get married,

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those are fantastic.

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It's fun to get gifts.

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When I got married, Brian Tome gave me a nice gift.

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He give me a set of steak knives

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that I still use to this day.

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So thanks for those, BT, excellent gift.

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But those aren't the only gift you get

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when you get married.

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See, the moment you walk down the aisle,

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there is another gift that's in your hand.

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What's that gift?

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It's a set of matches

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and this isn't any ordinary set of matches.

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This is a special set of matches because

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every single day when you wake up,

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a new one appears in your hand.

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And every day you will light one

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and you will burn something to the ground.

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And friends, there's only two choices

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of what to light on fire,

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either yourself or your marriage.

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See, the world says that a great marriage

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comes from finding a good match.

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It doesn't. It doesn't.

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A great marriage doesn't come from finding a good match.

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A great marriage comes from the great use of a match.

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That's it.

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See, friends, the only match that matters

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is the one you're holding right now.

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Fires are pretty cool.

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I mean, you might be thinking like,

00:18:10

"That's a really good metaphor, Kyle,

00:18:12

but what does this have to do with the Bible?"

00:18:14

Well, everything.

00:18:16

Do you know that fire is all over the Bible

00:18:19

to the point where one of the nicknames for God

00:18:21

is literally "The Consuming Fire."

00:18:24

Deuteronomy 4:24 says:

00:18:31

That's not the only place fire shows up.

00:18:33

It's literally everywhere.

00:18:35

God guided the Israelites by night using a pillar of fire.

00:18:38

God spoke to Moses out of the burning bush.

00:18:40

Elijah calls down fire from heaven.

00:18:43

John the Baptist even said that

00:18:45

Jesus will baptize with fire.

00:18:48

But that's not the most prominent use

00:18:50

of the word fire in the Bible.

00:18:52

The word fire is most associated with one thing:

00:18:56

the system of sacrifices.

00:18:58

Now, quick little overview

00:18:59

of Old Testament sacrificial system,

00:19:01

which I know you're excited about.

00:19:02

There are basically five of them.

00:19:03

All of them have little nuances

00:19:05

and differences between them,

00:19:06

but the main idea in all was the exact same.

00:19:09

You would take something as a stand in for you.

00:19:13

You would kill it.

00:19:14

You'd put it on a big old pile of wood

00:19:16

and you'd light it on fire

00:19:18

and let the flames completely consume it

00:19:21

as a sign of your devotion to God.

00:19:23

Now, this wasn't just something

00:19:24

that happened in ancient Judaism.

00:19:26

This is all old world religions across the world,

00:19:29

regardless of time period, geography, anything,

00:19:32

you find the systems of sacrifices.

00:19:33

And the idea is the same:

00:19:35

The way you prove your devotion to the divine

00:19:38

is through sacrifice.

00:19:40

It's actually the only true way to prove your commitment.

00:19:44

Before you go judging that as, you know,

00:19:45

like old and barbaric or whatever,

00:19:47

just think about it for a second.

00:19:49

Just think about this, because you have the same belief.

00:19:52

You know this to be true.

00:19:53

Your closest friends, the ones who you love the most,

00:19:56

you'd say are your best friends.

00:19:58

They're the ones who you know what about?

00:20:01

They would sacrifice for you,

00:20:02

that they'd give up their time for you,

00:20:04

that if you were sad

00:20:05

they would come over and try to cheer you up.

00:20:07

That if you needed to move,

00:20:08

they'd come lug your furniture down the stairs.

00:20:10

It's sacrifice.

00:20:12

That's it in a nutshell.

00:20:13

This is the sacrificial system and everything

00:20:15

is about proving your devotion to the divine,

00:20:17

but then with Jesus, God completely flipped the script.

00:20:22

You see, rather than ask people, you and I,

00:20:24

to sacrifice, to do sacrifice after sacrifice

00:20:27

to prove our devotion to Him, God gave Jesus

00:20:30

as a once and for all sacrifice

00:20:33

to prove His devotion to us. It's crazy.

00:20:38

Scripture actually said that Jesus became

00:20:40

all of the sacrifices, that He willingly

00:20:42

walked through the flames of death for our sake,

00:20:46

that He became the lamb let the flames consume Him,

00:20:50

and in doing so, He completely redefined love.

00:20:55

1 John 3:16 puts it this way:

00:21:03

Well, what does that mean?

00:21:04

It means this, friends, love is sacrifice.

00:21:08

It is lighting yourself on fire

00:21:10

for the sake of someone else,

00:21:12

putting yourself on the pile of wood,

00:21:13

burning your rights, your plans,

00:21:15

your ambitions, everything.

00:21:18

And look, I know this is radically different

00:21:20

than the definition of love at the world perpetuates.

00:21:23

The world says that love is

00:21:24

a deep feeling of happiness felt towards someone else

00:21:27

because of how they make you feel.

00:21:28

That's what it says.

00:21:29

We know we're in love, because we feel it.

00:21:32

We feel happy when we're with each other.

00:21:34

But when happiness fades, we believe that love,

00:21:37

maybe it's left the building.

00:21:38

Friends, nothing could be farther from the truth.

00:21:41

Stop believing the lie.

00:21:43

Happiness is a by-product of love.

00:21:46

Love isn't a by-product of happiness.

00:21:49

In fact, if you want to be happy,

00:21:50

you have to change your goal

00:21:52

from feeling happy every day

00:21:54

to loving your spouse every day,

00:21:56

to lighting yourself on fire every single day.

00:22:01

In fact, this is the exact call that God makes to you.

00:22:04

He says, "This thing of sacrifices,

00:22:05

I don't need you to do that for Me anymore.

00:22:07

I don't need you to prove your devotion to Me any more.

00:22:09

We're good now.

00:22:10

Rather than that, what I want you to do

00:22:13

is to do what I did for you for others."

00:22:16

The very next phrase in 1 John 3:16,

00:22:19

very next sentence says this:

00:22:24

If you want a great marriage, you have to understand

00:22:28

a loving marriage is a sacrificial marriage.

00:22:31

The call to sacrifice yourself for your spouse.

00:22:35

And here's the big thing, not when they deserve it.

00:22:39

Because let me ask you a question.

00:22:40

When did Jesus sacrifice Himself for you?

00:22:44

Was it once you had it all together?

00:22:45

Was it once you proved yourself to Him?

00:22:47

Was it once you showed Him

00:22:48

you finally kicked that one bad habit?

00:22:50

"Oh, I'm good now, Jesus."

00:22:51

And He's like, "Yeah. Now sacrifice Myself"?

00:22:53

Was it when you memorized enough Bible verses,

00:22:56

finally got all your crap together?

00:22:58

No, not at all.

00:23:00

The Bible says that He sacrificed Himself for you

00:23:02

at the precise moment that you didn't deserve it.

00:23:06

That's what Romans 5:8 says, it says:

00:23:07

but God demonstrates His own love for us in this:

00:23:12

while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

00:23:16

When you're married, the sacrifice is you

00:23:19

and it's for the sake of your spouse.

00:23:22

Love is taking your match

00:23:24

and it's lighting yourself on fire

00:23:27

and letting the flames completely consume you

00:23:30

for their sake.

00:23:32

Friends, the only match that matters in your marriage

00:23:34

is the one you wake up holding every single day.

00:23:39

This isn't a one time thing.

00:23:40

It's an everyday decision.

00:23:44

One of those everyday decisions for me

00:23:47

is about running because a number of years ago

00:23:49

Sarah got into running, probably five or six or so.

00:23:52

It started as like she'd go for a three mile run

00:23:54

and I watch the kids.

00:23:56

You know, it took, I don't know, an hour.

00:24:00

Then she decided she wanted to run marathons.

00:24:02

And do you know how much time it takes to run marathons?

00:24:06

I do, because it's a lot.

00:24:08

She'd go on like four or five hour runs

00:24:11

on Saturday mornings.

00:24:13

One of the ways I saw I could light myself on fire

00:24:15

for her is to watch the kids, so I do.

00:24:18

See running for her is not just like

00:24:20

a physical benefit thing, it's like a mental,

00:24:21

emotional, everything health thing.

00:24:24

So every Saturday morning I watch the kids.

00:24:27

I do pancakes, clean up.

00:24:30

I get them dressed, get them going for the day

00:24:33

and then I make lunch and I clean up.

00:24:36

And I watch them while she stretches.

00:24:38

And the thing is, it's costly.

00:24:41

But I do it for her

00:24:42

because it's a way I can sacrifice myself.

00:24:45

I see that it's worth it.

00:24:46

A number of months ago when COVID hit,

00:24:49

she had just started a new job

00:24:50

and I could tell it was just stressing her out.

00:24:52

And she'd get to the end of the day

00:24:54

and just like just wiped, you know?

00:24:55

Just get to the end to dinner

00:24:57

before the kids were getting put to bed

00:24:59

and she was just so exhausted.

00:25:01

So I decided to light myself on fire.

00:25:03

I said, "Babe, you stay downstairs.

00:25:05

I'll do bedtime from now on."

00:25:07

She hasn't walked upstairs to put the kids to bed,

00:25:09

to brush their teeth, tuck them in,

00:25:11

to read them a book and then another book

00:25:13

and then another book and all that stuff in months.

00:25:17

And it's costly, it hurts.

00:25:19

I'm tired, too, but I do it because love is sacrifice.

00:25:25

It's lighting yourself on fire.

00:25:26

And our marriage, I'm thankful to say,

00:25:28

it's not a one way street. It goes both ways.

00:25:31

She does the same thing for me.

00:25:33

A couple of years ago,

00:25:35

we were living in this great house.

00:25:36

It was a house we bought at a steep family discount.

00:25:38

You know old and big.

00:25:40

And she worked for four or five years to make it ours.

00:25:43

And it was just perfect,

00:25:44

in a beautiful running neighborhood, by the way,

00:25:46

like the best running routes. She loved it.

00:25:49

But it was kind of the place

00:25:50

where houses are packed together.

00:25:51

Not like a yard, not a lot of room to move around.

00:25:54

And for me, see, I grew up out on land, out on property.

00:25:57

I got to roam in the woods and explore.

00:25:59

And I think a lot of my creativity,

00:26:01

a lot of my courage, spontaneity even

00:26:04

comes from those times growing up as a kid

00:26:06

getting to explore and not worry about stuff.

00:26:09

And I wanted that for our kids.

00:26:10

So one day I said, "Hey, babe, what do you think

00:26:12

about moving out to the country,

00:26:14

about selling this place?"

00:26:17

The truth is, she didn't want to do it, but she did.

00:26:20

We sold that house.

00:26:22

We bought a house out on six acres.

00:26:24

And she traded a perfectly manicured house for

00:26:29

what is at this point, a 2.5 year construction project

00:26:33

and still going.

00:26:35

You know the crazy thing? She'd do it again.

00:26:38

I know she would.

00:26:40

Because see I know she knows something.

00:26:43

Every day she wakes up with a match

00:26:45

and she chose what to burn, herself.

00:26:49

She'd do it again.

00:26:51

See a transcendent marriage will cost you everything,

00:26:55

but don't get stuck on what it costs.

00:26:58

Yes, it costs everything,

00:27:00

but it is worth so much more.

00:27:02

Because of my marriage I am stronger, I'm more confident.

00:27:06

I have a safe place where there are no secrets.

00:27:08

I am a better person in so many ways.

00:27:11

This message is better.

00:27:12

I made her sit and listen to the entire thing

00:27:14

and she made it better.

00:27:15

This is marriage.

00:27:16

The flames refine you and make you better.

00:27:20

And you can have it.

00:27:22

You can have it, but you have to be willing

00:27:24

to light yourself on fire and burn down everything.

00:27:29

Where do you start?

00:27:31

Start with the scorecard.

00:27:34

Early in our marriage,

00:27:35

the scorecard was part of every conversation.

00:27:38

It was stuff like who did the laundry the last time?

00:27:40

How many times have I done it

00:27:41

versus how many times have you done it

00:27:42

or how many times did you do the dishes last week

00:27:44

versus how many times did I do the dishes last week?

00:27:46

Or things like how many days last week do we have sex

00:27:50

versus not have sex?

00:27:51

How many nights were you out versus me?

00:27:53

I don't know what's on your scorecard,

00:27:55

but I know you have one.

00:27:56

Maybe it's how many nights

00:27:57

she's been away traveling for work

00:27:59

or how much money he spends on camping gear,

00:28:01

on his music hobby or whatever.

00:28:04

Here's the thing, friends, most couples have a scorecard,

00:28:07

but most happy couples don't.

00:28:09

If you want a transcendent marriage,

00:28:11

you have one choice:

00:28:13

You have to burn the score card.

00:28:16

It doesn't matter who did laundry.

00:28:18

It doesn't matter, utterly doesn't matter.

00:28:20

You have to burn it. You have to burn everything.

00:28:22

You can save nothing.

00:28:24

You might have to burn your nice nights

00:28:27

where you just get to sit and relax

00:28:29

and have a good night watching whatever you want to on TV.

00:28:33

Maybe for you it's burning that job that takes you away,

00:28:36

keeps you up late at night, keeps you away from the house.

00:28:39

Maybe it's burning your weekend hobby that you love.

00:28:45

Maybe it's burning your weekends with the guys.

00:28:50

Maybe the thing that you have to burn

00:28:53

is that habit that you know

00:28:54

you should have kicked a long time ago, but you haven't.

00:28:57

The one we use get high and you get checked out,

00:29:00

burn it, burn everything.

00:29:02

Anything you say becomes a barrier, everything must go.

00:29:07

Maybe it's the job that has you out of town.

00:29:10

Burn it.

00:29:12

Whoo.

00:29:13

You've got to burn your habit of checking out at night.

00:29:16

You sit on the couch and you decide,

00:29:18

maybe I'm just going to surf the Internet

00:29:20

while you sit next to me checking your phone.

00:29:23

Burn it, everything must go.

00:29:26

Sacrifice is everything.

00:29:28

Maybe it's your hobby,

00:29:30

the dream you've held on to a little too long.

00:29:32

It's time to let it go. Let it go, friends.

00:29:36

Save nothing.

00:29:39

Everything, everything has to be burned.

00:29:43

Everything, every dream that's not in the picture,

00:29:47

everything.

00:29:52

Maybe the thing that you have to burn

00:29:55

is all the care and attention you give your kids.

00:29:58

You have nothing left for her.

00:30:01

You've got to burn it.

00:30:02

Because, friends, every day you wake up with the match

00:30:06

and you will burn something to the ground.

00:30:08

It will either be yourself or your marriage.

00:30:11

One leads to loss and loneliness

00:30:13

and the other leads to a lifetime of love.

00:30:16

So what will it be?

00:30:17

What will you burn to the ground?

00:30:27

Crowns and Kingdoms high above the walls

00:30:38

Towering around us when we fall

00:30:48

what if we strike a match set the walls on fire

00:30:55

strike a match set the walls on fire

00:30:59

Bring the fire when love has hit a limit

00:31:02

Bring the fire burnin everything in it

00:31:05

Yeah Ooooooooooooo

00:31:08

Yeah Ooooooooooooo

00:31:11

Bring the fire when love has hit limit

00:31:13


00:31:16

Yeah Ooooooooooooo

00:31:18

Yeah Ooooooooooooo

00:31:22

Burn it

00:31:25

Burn it all

00:31:33

If these walls would keep your hand from mine

00:31:44

Before they grow much too steep to climb

00:31:54

can we just

00:31:55


00:31:59

Burn it all

00:32:01


00:32:05

Bring the fire when love has hit a limit

00:32:08


00:32:10

Yeah Ooooooooooooo

00:32:13

Yeah Ooooooooooooo

00:32:16


00:32:18


00:32:21

Yeah Ooooooooooooo

00:32:24

Yeah Ooooooooooooo

00:32:27

Burn it

00:32:31

Burn it all

00:32:39

Set it on fire

00:32:41

Set it on fire

00:32:42

Keep our love alive

00:32:44

Set it on fire

00:32:46

Set it on fire

00:32:48

Keep our love alive

00:32:49

Set it on fire

00:32:52

Set it on fire

00:32:53

Keep our love alive

00:32:56

Keep our love alive

00:32:59

Keep our love alive

00:33:02


00:33:05


00:33:08

Yeah Ooooooooooooo

00:33:10

Yeah Ooooooooooooo

00:33:13


00:33:16


00:33:19

Yeah Ooooooooooooo

00:33:21

Yeah

00:33:24

Burn it

00:33:28

Burn it all

00:33:35

Burn it

00:33:39

Burn it all

00:33:57

- You want a great marriage?

00:33:58

You have a match, use it.

00:34:01

Start with this, tell your spouse

00:34:03

the things you've been holding back on

00:34:05

or write them down on a piece of paper,

00:34:06

strike the match and burn it in front of them.

00:34:08

It will be more powerful

00:34:10

than the day you walk down the aisle,

00:34:12

because when you sacrifice yourself,

00:34:14

you will unleash love like never before.

00:34:17

Then you become one of those couples,

00:34:18

one of those couples that everyone envies, the happy ones.

00:34:24

- So I want you to sit in this moment.

00:34:27

This is not a moment to run away from or pass you by,

00:34:31

I want you to sit right here.

00:34:33

Whatever you're carrying right now,

00:34:35

you can bring it to God.

00:34:36

If it's heavy or light, you can bring it to God.

00:34:39

God uses words like refuge and shelter to describe Himself.

00:34:42

That's who He is.

00:34:44

And so we put these songs together

00:34:47

to help you connect with Him.

00:34:48

They're not music videos for you just to watch.

00:34:51

These are tools to help you connect with God.

00:34:53

These are videos of us with cameras on yes,

00:34:56

but us crying out to God

00:34:57

to help you cry out to Him right here, right now.

00:43:52

- Man, we've had such a wonderful time today.

00:43:55

I hope that God spoke to you,

00:43:56

that you got something out of this,

00:43:58

just like I know I did.

00:44:00

Just a few things that we want to note today.

00:44:02

Here at Crossroads, at our physical sites,

00:44:04

we've been doing something

00:44:05

called Thanksgiving Food Drive for a long time.

00:44:08

So whether you usually go to a site,

00:44:10

are near a site or not near a site,

00:44:12

we want to help you know how to get involved.

00:44:14

And you can go to Crossroads.net/TFD.

00:44:17

- That's right.

00:44:18

And if you normally join us at a site,

00:44:20

but you've been joining us at home online

00:44:23

because of COVID and all the things,

00:44:26

we've got some important updates

00:44:27

happening at some of our sites.

00:44:28

All good things, are good things,

00:44:30

some shifts in leadership, all good things,

00:44:32

but we want you to know about them

00:44:33

and not miss out on them so go to Crossroads.net/update.

00:44:37

You know, so I mean be honest,

00:44:40

first time. How did I do? Come on, critique.

00:44:43

- You'll get better.

00:44:44

- Oh, cool.

00:44:45

- Thanks so much for joining us, folks,

00:44:46

and we'll see you next time.

	Love on Fire 🔥	2:36
	It All Comes Down To The Match	6:48
	Song: Burn It All	30:22
	Worship: You Keep Hope Alive	35:02
	Worship: God Of The Breakthrough	39:03

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