"Oh sh*t, we are in the sh*t."

We said it on a steep rocky ascent to Phantom Lake, riding motorcycles in Wyoming. We said it on something we nicknamed “Gnar Gnar Pass” in Montana, because it was so gnarly. I had to stop and have a pep talk on the summit, as I saw dilated pupils on every guy after climbing off their motorcycles. Lib and I have said it on many overlanding trips, faced with steep passes while concerned about sliding off a cliff. The butt-pucker factor is a real thing. We said it on our first public land hunt in Colorado, traversing rocky ice faces with 50 pounds on our backs. The elk didn’t want to be up there, either. We said it in New Zealand, as Lib and I hiked Mt Doom over the course of six hours. and ended above the clouds. Lib (red hat in the pic above) lost toenails due to the strenuous descent.

I could go on and on with a dozen more examples. When it happens, we kick ourselves for getting in these situations, while simultaneously loving the feeling of exhilaration and risk. This is what we signed up for. Once we make it to the other side, it becomes a story we will gleefully talk about for years. Remember that “adventure” when everything went according to plan? No. We never do.

I opted into each of those “fun” adventures. I looked for them, prepped for them, and chose them precisely because they were unpredictable and difficult.

The most important adventures of our lives, however, are the ones we don’t sign up for. They are thrust on us—health, finances, work chaos, family surprises. Voluntary adventures are important because they give us a stomach to face the involuntary ones, which come upon us at a moment’s notice.

My wife and I are on one of those forced adventures right now. She has breast cancer. She has already faced down a double mastectomy, and earlier this week, began an intensive chemo regimen that will continue for the foreseeable future.

Walking into the room where chemo is administered was as new to me as my first motorcycle trip 20 years ago. Both exhilarating, but in starkly different ways. Saying, “chemo” and hearing about chemo has nothing to do with walking into a room where patients are being administered chemo. You learn that cancer is no respecter of persons as I saw white people, black people, rich people, poor people, fat people, and fitness people.

I felt the same emotion that I felt on my off-the-grid adventures. That bitter-tart taste in your mouth of uncertainty and queasiness is palpable. Like it or not, we are having a fresh experience, and the path is taking us right through the shit.

Every day, there is a new wave of regret, remorse, and fear that has to be beaten back. We know how to do this. It is a necessary spiritual discipline learned through practice. God doesn’t give us a spirit of fear but of power, love and self discipline (2 Tim 1:7). Every time we have a new experience with new trepidation, we need to lean into the true identity that God has given us instead of caving into the emotional ways of the world. We’ve made the intentional choice not to have puppy dog eyes about this. This is an adventure, and we are facing it.

We don’t know how this is going to go, and we don’t have any guarantees. That’s what makes it an adventure. Lib’s oncologist said, “of the three kinds of breast cancer, this is the one you want to have.” Slightly comforting but nonetheless something no one chooses for themselves. But, we are ready because we have made adventure a normal rhythm in our lives, and because we are trusting in a God who is ultimately in control.

A few weeks ago, a friend texted me with a verse that God had put on his heart for us. Amazingly, it was the exact scripture that the Lord used to minister to me the day before. I sent him a screenshot of my journal. Here it is…

If you are in the shit right now, keep going. Don’t prepay on a debt you may not owe by giving into fear, worry, and anxiety. It is an adventure, and you can chart a different course than the rest of culture. Instead of a passive victim, you can be an aggressive victor—based not around the outcome, but on your attitude and perspective as you go through the shit.

You can do this.

See you out there,

BT

PS - Thank you for your concern and prayers for Lib. We are well cared for and surrounded by support. If you want to follow along on our cancer journey, the best way to do that is in the Crossroads Anywhere App. There is a daily scripture reading where I often journal and share thoughts. Most of my public processing will be done there.

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