Advice For New Parents

I was honored and stumped. At first, I just stood there like I forgot how to use words. I had a million things to say. And somehow, nothing at all.

I hesitated because every experience is so unique. Some women glow their way through pregnancy like a fertility goddess. Others would rather crawl across hot gravel than deal with one more wave of nausea, bloating, dizziness, or the deeply unjust reality that yes, your shoe size can change permanently. (It’s rude, honestly.)

Some walk in with hopes of perfecting motherhood. They read every book, master their kegels, and treat birth prep like an Olympic event. Others blink, and suddenly are in the hospital yelling, “Wait, I don’t know what I’m doing!”

Some births are (painful but) beautiful. Some go through hell to get that sweet baby out. Then, postpartum comes with its own mixed bag of surprises. A body that feels miraculous and broken all at once. A tiny new baby who is both insanely precious and the most exhausting new alarm clock (that goes off without warning, threatening all previous freedom and sanity).

And then…the opinions. Oh, the opinions.

You’d think feeding and sleeping would be instinctual, but apparently, there are 47 parenting philosophies, and all of them contradict each other. Google something you assumed was innocent and basic—you’re bound for an overwhelming vacuum of mom blogs and scary research. (“If you wear your baby too much, they won’t adjust as healthy humans in society. But if you don’t wear them enough, you won’t bond, and your relationship is doomed.”)

So, yeah. There’s a lot.

I see so many couples struggle in the first few years of parenting, and my heart goes out to them. It’s truly hard! Reading parenting articles can help, but the key is letting God grow us up as we learn to raise someone else. We had three babies in three and a half years, and these were the learnings that made us not only adore those years but also wildly grow as people, deepen our marriage, and establish a family culture that we love.

It’s the difference between surviving as parents or thriving, enduring it or loving it, being worn down or transformed into a better version of yourself than you even knew possible. This list isn’t perfect or exhaustive, but the more you lean into it, I think you’ll experience the latter.

Advice for New Parents

1. Trust God more than Google.

Parenting is like being hit with a firehose of opinions—books, blogs, in-laws, strangers at Target. It is ridiculously overwhelming, and many moms break under the anxiety of making the “right” choices for their baby. But the most important voice you need? God’s.

Remember Genesis? Two trees—one offered knowledge, the other offered life. The temptation wasn’t just wanting answers faster, but seeking it from something other than God, and trusting their own discernment vs. relying on God’s. You can try to figure it all out yourself (good luck) or ask God to guide you.

There’s a Proverb that says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart. Lean not on your own understanding. Submit all your ways to Him, and He will make your paths straight.”

Sure, search Google for “wake windows” if you want. But when anxiety hits, pause. Pray. Ask God what your baby needs and trust the peace He gives. Embrace the freedom to drop the opinions that don’t fit your family. No shame. No comparison. Just peace. He made you for this. He will lead you through it.

2. Learn Together.

Dads—don’t wait to be told what to do. Learn everything with her. Bottles, burping, sleep cues, stroller models—just dive in. And moms? Include him in what you’re learning, even when it feels easier (and faster) to just do it yourself. You’ll thank yourself later when you’re not the only one who knows where the swaddles are.

Let him figure things out his own way, too. If he folds the laundry wrong or gives the baby a bottle upside down once or twice, let him learn. The goal isn’t perfection—it’s partnership.

And dads? Carry the load. Not just some of it. The whole thing, whenever you can. You don’t want to become the sitcom dad who asks his wife a million questions or isn’t capable of watching them alone. You also don’t want the exhausted wife who will be your future if she’s carrying all the weight.

If she’s nursing, and you think there’s nothing for you to do—fill her water, make her a snack, clean something. Become competent enough to not just “help” with the baby but truly lead your kids together. It doesn’t mean you both have to do everything, but default parent divorce is a growing phenomenon. It’s not 50/50, it’s 100/100. Every relationship looks different, but commit to carrying the weight of raising kids together in a way that lets you both thrive.

3. Make a plan. Don’t both be exhausted all the time.

Sleep deprivation is actual torture. Some exhaustion will be inevitable, and surviving it well will be a way you bond, but there are ways to make it way less painful.

Choose an eating/sleeping plan for your kid. We loved BabyWise (and our kids STILL pretty much sleep 7 pm-7 am.) You can pick whatever you want, but pick something. Even if you toss half of it later, starting with a plan gives you a baseline. Otherwise, it can be very confusing what the baby needs, especially when it’s chaos at 3 am and everyone is crying.

Having a shared plan gives you something to tweak together. It builds a foundation for experimenting. You might like to wing things or value spontaneity, but the definition of flexibility requires a form to return to, so decide on one that works for you together.

Make a game plan for your sleep, too. For us, I took the night shift, so Andy could be on all day. I loved knowing he’d be rested (and couldn’t complain that he was tired), and I could nap when I needed.

But what works for you could be different. Take shifts. Or trade naps. Just don’t wait until you’re zombies arguing over who got less sleep to figure it out. Strategize. Divide. Conquer—proactively, and together.

4. Expectations are everything.

You love each other, sure—but you’re also both becoming new people. That means checking in a lot. Don’t assume your pre-parenting rhythms still work. Ask each other what’s working, what’s not, and be honest about what’s driving you quietly insane.

Decide together how much mess is OK, how much sleep is needed to survive, and how much time together it takes to still like each other. Don’t keep cleaning if they want to cuddle (or worse: don’t try to cuddle if they want you to clean!)

Don’t assume. Don’t guess. Talk it out. Not knowing is normal. Figuring it all out as a team is everything.

5. Keep dating.

Don’t wait six months “until it settles down.” It won’t.

Get out of the house together early—even just an hour—to remember why you like each other. A hot meal and an uninterrupted laugh can do wonders for your soul, your relationship, and your sanity. If leaving the house isn’t possible, carve out sacred moments. Sit on the porch together with the monitor. Have an actual dinner together when the baby is asleep.

Do something that reconnects you whenever you can squeeze it in. If you can’t find time, write notes to each other. Anything that keeps your connection alive so you don’t become roommates is worth it.

6. Moms, recover like it’s your job. Because it is.

Plan to rest way more than you think you need. And Dads? This is your moment to shine. Be the guy with the snacks, the swaddle, the extra burp cloth. She just grew a human.

It’s insane how much your body changes during pregnancy. I thought I “bounced back” so well after my first, but as I kept having kids, I realized how much had changed that led to much bigger problems. Who knew that split abs would lead to back problems or that not changing shoes to a bigger size would cause hip pain later? It ended up taking years of PT that could have been avoided if I had gone easier on myself.

She might feel like she can “keep going” or “do one more thing.” But her body will heal better the slower she goes. Treat her like royalty and help her heal. No one overdoes it with rest postpartum. No one.

7. Prepare for irrational anger. It happens.

It’s not personal. It’s hormonal. It’s exhaustion. It’s a little feral. And it passes. Give each other loads of grace, talk it through when you can, and know you’re not broken—you’re just in the thick of it. Facing the rage with love will get you through way better than reacting back or shutting down. Know this is a season where you’re both just going to need extra grace. Plan to give it in advance.

I love the verse, Colossians 3:13 (NLT), that says, “Make allowances for each other’s faults.” In this phase, expect your spouse to offend you more often. It doesn’t mean you shouldn’t work through it, but don’t be surprised by it. Realize you’re both underwater and overwhelmed sometimes. Plan to give extra grace.

8. Love well. (Don’t turn on each other.)

When we’re under stress, our natural human instinct is often to turn on each other. But the stress of raising kids is meant to draw us back together, not tempt us to point fingers.

When something isn’t working, don’t blame. Choose to solve it together. Tell her she’s beautiful, even when she doesn’t believe you. Choose to see her as beautiful even as things…change. Brag on him when he empties the diaper pail without being asked. Whenever you feel gratitude or affection, say it right then. Don’t wait. These moments fill each other up when you need them most.

Hebrews 3:13 says, “But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called ‘Today,’ so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness.” Encouraging each other intentionally not only keeps you from turning on each other, but it protects your relationship from the selfishness, resentment, comparison, blame, and stress that all relationships are vulnerable to otherwise. Take action in advance to set your mind on loving each other well, and showing it through frequent affirmation.

9. Don’t be surprised if things are hard.

Breastfeeding, sex, sleep, healing—it might not come easily. That’s not failure. It’s normal, and it’ll pass.

1 Peter 4:12-13 is hilarious to me. It says, Dear friends, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal that has come on you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice inasmuch as you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed.”

If that’s true for all of life, it’s definitely true of having a parent. Instagram highlight reels are not real. No one is just cuddling their baby and smiling nonstop. There are meltdowns, exhausted nights, scares, lonely moments, and fears that you will forever smell like spit-up. Normalize it, and choose to not only embrace it, but thrive in it.

Lower your expectations of perfection, ask God to meet you when it’s hard, and get your peace from Him. If you expect it to be hard, it’s less of a blow when it inevitably is. Expect it so you can enjoy all the moments that are working. Like the verse says, it will pay off later.

10. Let God lead you.

This whole season? It’s not just about your baby growing—it’s about you growing too. You might be raising another human, but God is also transforming you. You’ll either become a more stressed, overwhelmed, and depleted version of yourself or a stronger, more joyful, and capable one.

Let God parent you as you parent your kid. When you hit your limits, He’s there. When you’re exhausted, rely on Him to fill you up. When you feel wrecked by love for your baby, remember: that’s how He feels about you. Receive it.

Advice for New Parents: Embrace Glorious Purpose

Raising a family isn’t just about how we populate the world or meet a felt need. It’s an actual honor. A chance to mirror God’s love to another person. To raise the next generation. To start new legacies in our family lines. We can’t do that on our own, and we make a mess of it when we try. This isn’t just the learning curve of the next life stage; it’s an invitation to experience God and become like him in a more sacred relationship than most of us have ever experienced.

When we try it on our own: it’s totally overwhelming. When we partner with God: completely transforming.

Parenting is an adventure—but you don’t have to go at it alone. Check out one of our Cohorts and join a community of people learning how to raise kids and follow God’s example of parenthood.

Disclaimer: This article is 100% human-generated.

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At Crossroads, we major on the majors and minor on the minors. We welcome a diverse community of people who all agree that Jesus is Lord and Savior, even if they view minor theological and faith topics in different ways based on their unique experiences. Our various authors embody that principle, and we approach you, our reader, in the same fashion. You don’t have to agree with every detail of any article you see here to be part of this community or pursue faith. Chances are even our whole staff doesn’t even agree with every detail of what you just read. We are okay with that tension. And we think God is okay with that, too. The foundation of everything we do is a conviction that the Bible is true and that accepting Jesus is who he said he is leads to a healthy life of purpose and adventure—and eternal life with God.